Message-ID: <3164C68C.4E8E@email.cstp.umkc.edu> Date: Fri, 05 Apr 1996 01:06:52 -0600 From: Brent Hugh Organization: University of Missouri-KC Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: Grady's Notice of Deposition: A Few Things Accidentally Forgotten Hi all, In reading over the Notice of Deposition the "Church" served on Grady (http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/scientology/grady/depo-req-4.2.96.html) I noticed that Helena and her ever-so-diligent cohorts seemed to have accidentally forgotten a few essential items. Always trying to be helpful, I have taken the liberty of adding them to the list. Grady: Please don't forget any of these important items when you go off to have a nice friendly chat with your scieno buddies. I'm pretty sure their case will collapse without these additional vital "documents and things". The Rest of You: Read carefully! There's a special contest and an almost unique chance to win valuable scieno-related merchandise at the conclusion of this important legal document. ------------- DOCUMENTS AND THINGS TO BE PRODUCED . . . 21. All documents relating to the First Electronic Church of SCAMIZDAT. 22. All documents related to the Online Church of Bob. 23. All documents related to your pet dog "Ralph". 24. All postings or documents relating to postings, whether actual or intended, to rec.pets.dogs.behavior, as well as followups or replies to such postings, whether sent or unsent. 25. All documents and evidence, whether electronic, material, or fecal, relating to "Ralph"'s alleged misdeeds, especially as in regards to the fire hydrant located approximate 237 yards North-Northeast of your primary residence. 26. All documents and evidence relating to your criminal attempt to infiltrate rec.pets.cats. 27. All documents relating to your attempts to discredit Helena Kobrin as an attorney acting on behalf of Religious Technology Center in protecting its intellectual property rights. 28. All documents relating to your attempts to discredit the OSA operative code-named "Whippersnapper" acting on behalf of Religious Technology Center in protecting its intellectual property rights. 29. All documents relating to telephone records from July 1, 1994 to the present. 30. All documents relating to *your own personal* telephone records from September 17, 1947 to the present. 31. All fax equipment. 32. All electronic equipment. 33. All fans or air-conditioning equipment. 34. All shredders. 35. All scanning equipment. 36. All locks which you place on any cabinet or other container in which you have placed Scientology materials. 37. All documents relating to procedures for shredding documents, either hard copy or in electronic form. 38. All toilet paper which you were using to wipe while thinking about scientology or the trade-secret NOTs documents. 39. All confessions of illegal activity which might help our case. 40. All air which you have breathed (in or out) from July 1, 1994 to the present. 41. All yard waste and lawn clippings. 42. All lawn mowers and hedge trimmers. 43. All locks which you place on any shed or other container in which you have placed lawn or yard equipment. 44. All documents related to yard work or yard waste disposal. 45. All posts to rec.gardens, whether incriminating or not. 46. All pictures of your relatives and friends which have not been previously obtained by scientology operatives. 47. All incriminating evidence which we have somehow forgotten up to this point. 48. Notarized copies of all naughty words which you might have said or thought from January 11, 1932 through the present. Especially the "H" word. 49. A list of all people besides yourself who are guilty. 50. All correspondence, whether by email, telephone, telegraph, telex, long-distance psychic mental bonding, satellite transmission, or in person, with the following individuals: a. Ted Bundy b. Adolf Hitler c. O.J. Simpson d. Bill Gates e. Bill Clinton f. Moammar Qadaffi g. Elvis Presley f. Bill the Cat 51. All records dealing with sewage or waste disposal, in all buildings owned, visited, or frequented by you or your pet dog "Ralph", in the period October 1974 to the present. 52. All documents, whether electronic or print, owned, read, viewed, available to, under the control of, or known of by you, which contain the words "NOTS", "NOT", "KNOT", "KNOTS", "NAUGHT", "NAUGHTS", "NUT", or "NUTS", whether in upper or lower case. 53. All documents relating to software programs which you have created regarding any of the following: anonymous remailers, USENET news, Internet access, scanning of documents onto computer media, uploading or downloading of documents onto computer media, encryption of computer transmissions or files, lexicons, Scientology materials, or copyrights. 54. A list of all documents shredded, discarded, or otherwise disposed of by you, in the period 27 February, 1984 to 14 December 1992. 55. Any admissions of guilt which you may have produced at any time in the past or future. 56. Anything else that you think might help us to cobble a RICO lawsuit together. 57. A list of all documents eaten by your pet dog "Ralph" or other pet dogs or animals, in the period 13 March, 1947 through the present, along with the corresponding physical evidence, including but not limited to the documents, worksheets, and other homework material attested to as "Eaten by Pet Dog 'Ralph'" by your third grade teacher Miss Abercrombie. --------- AN IMPORTANT CONTEST! Hard core scieno-watchers are invited to join the fun by identifying which of the above items are "real" and which have been added by my ever-so-helpful self. Those lucky respondents who identify the items with 100% accuracy will receive this valuable prize: A 100% Certified Genuine Duplicate Forged Message Cancel PGP Signed by the "Hoe" Herself, Cancelling All the Lucky Respondent's Current And/Or Future Messages to Rec.Gardens And/Or Rec.Pets.Cats. This nearly unique document will be a treasure for years to come. It may be framed, used as Windows Wallpaper, or in a pinch used to wipe your a.r.s. --Brent -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Brent Hugh / bhugh@cstp.umkc.edu University of Missouri-Kansas City, Conservatory of Music Music Instruction Software Page: http://cctr.umkc.edu/userx/bhugh/musici.html -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- In honor of Comet Hyakutake: "The Comet--A Piece for the Beginning Pianist" http://www.sunflower.org/~bhugh/comet.cgi -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-