Inside Scientology

First-hand accounts of the Scientology Experience

Annie Rosenblum's Declaration

From Mon Apr 10 16:15:45 BST 1995


                        DECLARATION OF ANNE ROSENBLUM

        [I knew Annie.  I went into the RPF'S RPF shortly after she left 
Florida.  She was a very warm and friendly young lady.
        The following is excerpted word-for-word from her declaration 
regarding her experiences in scientology.  I can tell you that her 
account of the inhuman treatment occurring in the RPF is accurate, 
albeit minimized.  It is still the best description of the RPF I have 
        Please excuse her sometimes wandering tenses and persons.  I 
sure she felt she was still recovering when she wrote this. - DE]
                                REHABILITATION PROJECT FORCE
        The RPF was created by LRH in 1974 for people who were in ethics 
trouble and not getting handled, as well as for R/S-er's [the 
criminally insane].  The RPF rules and regulations are all covered in 
the "Flag Order 3434" series.  The basic issue which gives the outline 
of the RPF is Flag Order 3434.  There are numerous other issues as 
more rules and regulations were made.  These issues are all in a 
series (i. e. F.O. 3434-1; F.O. 3434-2, etc.).  I believe they were up 
to around F.O. 3434-30 by the time I left.
        The idea of the RPF is to "rehabilitate" people who are out-
ethics [not behaving], SP's [Suppressive Persons] and/or psychotic. 
The RPF is a totally "self-sustaining" unit.  In other words, it 
handles all of its own tech, ethics, etc.  The senior person is called 
the RPF Bosun.  Directly under him is the RPF MAA.  Under him are the 
section leaders, and then the section members.  There are 5-8 people 
in each section, and each one is numbered "Section A", "Section B", 
etc.  Each section is assigned different "cleaning stations" and 
projects to do.  The only exception to that is the "Tech Section," 
which doesn't work on projects because they have to handle the co-
auditing in the RPF.
The RPF operates on "two watches."  While one watch is on
study, the other watch is on work.  When I was first sent to the RPF, 
the Clearwater Bank building (Scientology owned) had just burned down, 
and my section was assigned to "salvage the SO-1 files" (SO-1 files 
are all the letters people write to LRH). [SO-1 stood for Standing 
Order #1 wherein Hubbard ordered all letters addressed to him would be 
answered by him.  They were not, in reality.  They were answered by 
the SO-1 Unit who were all given training in duplicating Hubbard's 
signature exactly.]  
        I was up at about 5:45 A. M. and we mustered in the Fort 
Harrison garage.  We took roll call, and then went to do "Cleaning 
stations" (cleaning the bathrooms and hallways of the F. H.).  Then we 
had breakfast, then roll call again, then went to study for 5 hours. 
After that we went to work on handling the SO-1 files.  We did that 
until about 10:30 or 11:00 P. M.  Then we had another muster and then 
went to bed.  Then there was a bed-check of everyone.
        The rules of the RPF are:
        1. No walking.  You had to run all the time.
        2. You were not allowed to speak to anyone outside the RPF.
        3. You were not allowed to originate any communication,
written or otherwise, to anyone outside the RPF, unless there was an 
emergency situation, or unless you cleared it with your RPF's seniors 
        4. You were not allowed to go anywhere by yourself, unless 
authorized to do so.  Even when going to the bathroom, someone had 
to go with you.  You would also get in trouble if you saw anyone start 
to go off by themselves and didn't go with them, then report it.
        5. You had to call all RPF seniors "Sir."  If there was some
reason you had to talk to someone outside the RPF (and got permission 
for it), you had to call them "Sir" when speaking with them.
        6. All letters you wrote had to be put in a stamped, unsealed
envelope, then dropped in a box in RPF room.  The RPF MAA then
read all out-going mail.  You are not allowed to send anything 
directly out of the RPF, including and especially, personal letters.
        7. You are allowed only in "RPF designated areas," which, for 
me, was the Fort Harrison garage (it is a spiral 4 story garage), and 
the RPF course room, right off the second floor garage.  You were not 
allowed to go anywhere else, the only exception being during morning 
cleaning stations when you cleaned the rest of the Fort Harrison.
        8. Had to wear dark blue boiler-suits or dark blue shirts and 
        9. Were not allowed "luxuries" (their word for it) such as 
music, seeing T. V., (at one point half dozen people were sent to the 
RPF's RPF for having seen some T. V. in a room they were in when they 
were sick) playing cards, perfume, etc.--anything like that.
        10. There is an F.O. 3434 series called "Rocks and Shoals." 
There are penalties one gets for anything they do wrong such as non 
compliance to an order, not calling a senior "Sir," walking instead of 
running, missing a spot on a mirror you  were cleaning, etc.  The 
penalties consist of doing so many laps, sit-ups or push-ups.  The 
laps are running up and down the garage ramp.
        When I first arrived in the RPF, I went to the RPF MAA (Master-
at-Arms, in charge of "ethics") and was given forms to sign. I don't 
remember what I signed.  I don't remember reading them.  I only 
vaguely recall one of them which was something about how I entered the 
RPF voluntarily to be able to get redemption, and that I'm being 
treated well, being taken care of, etc.  I don't remember at all 
what else I signed.  For one thing, I was still in a state of shock 
and confusion at being in the RPF.  They were forms to go to the G. O. 
[Guardians Office] - I do remember that much.
        The next step in "routing into the RPF" is to work out with the 
RPF MAA what your condition is on the 1st dynamic (yourself).  The RPF 
in itself is your "liability" on the 3rd dynamic.  The 3rd dynamic is 
the group dynamic, that is, your relationship to others.  That's why 
the RPF is sort of an amends project.  When you complete the RPF 
program, you have to get every staff member in the Flag Land Base to 
sign your liability formula [Written steps which show you have atoned 
and done amends for your evil deeds against scientology and are ready 
to resume useful participation in the group.], and then you're 
considered out of the RPF.  The condition of the 3rd dynamic, 
acceptance of the group, is thereby fulfilled.
        To complete the RPF, one has to co-audit the RPF program during 
the 5 hour daily study time they are allowed.  The auditing program at 
the time I was there consisted of:

        1. Classified Confessional [Security Check, a list of questions 
you must answer about your evil deeds]
        2. Expanded Drug Rundown including a full battery of objectives
        3. Word Clearing Method I

        4. Any other Expanded Dianetics

        5. Expanded Dianetics including full R/S handling

        6. Conditions and Exchange by Dynamics [various other 
brainwashing procedures employed by scientology].
        Everyone in the RPF has a "twin" whom they co-audit with. Each 
person not only has to complete the RPF auditing program themselves, 
but they must audit someone else fully through it.  So "twins" audit 
each other.
        The actions are learned (how to audit) by what is called the 
"Read it-Drill it-Do it" (RDD) basis.  You read the necessary HCOB's 
[Hubbard Bulletin] on how to audit the action, then drill it and get a 
check out on it by the RPF Tech Supervisor, then go audit it.  The 
auditing is set up like the old Saint Hill style - everyone audits in 
the same room, lined up, or on separate tables all over the place.  At 
first it was hard to get used to doing that, but after a while it 
stops bothering you, and then you really don't care if everyone hears 
all the crazy things you say in session because you know everyone else 
around you is just as crazy as you.  This is the general thought of 
people there.
        After you're in the RPF awhile, you just learn to "accept the 
fact that you're crazy and that's why you're in the RPF".
        Frequently PC's [people undergoing auditing] would go nuts in 
their auditing, and start hollering and yelling and crying and 
carrying on.  So the Tech Supervisor would just move the co-audit 
outside and they'd continue auditing in the garage.
        We received $4.00 a week here.  If we needed to buy soap or 
cigarettes or something like that, we'd give a list of what we needed 
and the money to this guy who would go to the store once a week for 
the RPFers to get the things we needed.  We were not allowed to go 
ourselves.  We weren't allowed to step foot outside the building!
        I was actually only "on the decks," working on projects for a 
few months.  I then became the Tech In Charge of a watch.  After a few 
months of that I began having trouble sleeping, and my auditing was 
becoming weird.  My mind was starting to fall apart.  I was used to 
late night work, from being a Messenger, so I requested to become an 
RPF C/S (Case Supervisor):  I'd read over all the sessions each night 
and "grade" the auditor and tell him what things to run the PC on the 
next day.  The C/Ses had to work at night so the PC folders would be 
ready the next day for auditing.  This was approved, and I became a 
C/S, which I continues until I left the RPF.
        When I was first in the RPF, we ate on a table set up in the 
garage.  But as winter came around, it was a bit cold, and it was also 
"bad PR" [Public Relations] for the FCCI's [persons undergoing 
auditing at Flag] who saw us.  FCCI means Flag Completed Case 
Intensive.  They are public scientologists who were paying for 
services at Flag.  The FCCI's would always walk past us on their way 
to and from their cars.  So we were moved into the "lower" staff 
dining room and ate there after the staff finished eating.

        Our sleeping arrangements were bad.  The guys slept in what was 
used as the RPF course room during the day.  It was an old storage 
room, with no windows.  They would throw their mattresses on the floor 
at night, and the room was filled with wall-to-wall mattresses.
        When I was originally in the RPF the girls slept in a hallway 
near an elevator shaft, leading to the garage.  The mattresses covered 
the floors there also.  We were later moved to an old locker room in 
the Fort Harrison, with no windows.  They let us turn the vents on 
during the night to keep from suffocating but the door was closed to 
prevent someone from blowing [leaving].  An RPF MAA or someone "high 
up" in the RPF, would sleep near the door, and of course bed checks 
were done nightly.  There were also F. H. [Fort Harrison Hotel] 
Security Guards constantly policing the F. H. plus an "RPF Guard" in 
the garage at night.
        In December, 1978, we were moved to a storage area in the 
garage.  It was a partly wooden, partly cement, enclosure built 
against one of the garage walls.  It was build to be a storage area, 
but as the RPF grew so large, it was made the RPF girl's sleeping 
area. Wooden bunks were built, that were about 1/2 to 1/3 the size of 
a regular twin bed.  The bunks were built 3 and 4 stacks high, and 
were put in there side-by-side.  Our "mattresses" were pieces of foam 
cut to fit the bunks.  It was like crawling into a hole to get into 
bed.  You couldn't even sit up because of the bunk above you, and it 
was difficult to try to turn over because they weren't wide enough.  
The worst problem was that being in the garage, we inhaled all the car 
fumes when cars would go through, in addition to the noise of cars 
that FCCI's and staff would make driving in and out.
        We had routine visits from Fire and Health Officials in 
Clearwater.  Somehow, the G. O. seemed to know in advance when they 
were coming, and were warned.  When they arrived, we stacked 
mattresses, boxes and all sorts of junk in our sleeping space, to make 
it look like a storage area.  The officials apparently never suspected 
that people were actually living there.  If an official surprised us, 
the G. O. would take him around other F. H. areas while we received 
the message to make it look like a storage area.  The staff lodging in 
the Fort Harrison was pretty bad also.  Many staff and students had 6-
8 beds in a small room.  When officials came around, those rooms were 
locked or signs put on them "Confessionals in Progress" so no one 
would go in, and the G. O. would randomly show them other rooms with 
only 2 or 3 beds.
        I find it very difficult to describe what happened to me 
mentally and emotionally in the RPF.  I spent the first few weeks 
getting one security check after another.  The first was a security 
check on anything I had done or told anyone while I was "blown" and 
any overts while I was at WHQ [Western Headquarters, La Quinta, CA?].  
After that, I received a visit from the G. O. and was accused of 
taking money from the WHQ.  I was security checked on that. Then I 
received a special security check written by the CMO on everything I 
had been involved with or knew as a Messenger.
        After all that was finally over, I was given a "twin" and 
started on my RPF auditing program.  At this point, I realized I was a 
List 1 R/Ser [totally psychotic, suppressive person] because the 
person I was 'twinned' with was a List 1 R/Ser.  According to RPF 
rules, only List 1 R/Sers could twin with List 1 R/Sers.  This order 
is one of the F.O. 3434 series.  Obviously I had R/Sed on one of the 
sec checks and was now considered a threat to LRH.
This really shocked me, because I know List 1 R/Sers were
SP's and therefore I was Suppressive Person, which according to their
policies meant I was evil and psychotic.  It took me weeks before I 
could "accept" that I was an "SP."  I finally realized and accepted 
the fact that I was an SP, psychotic and needed the RPF.  It was my 
only hope for salvation.
        This thing of "psychosis" is very much imposed on you in the 
RPF.  When I didn't think I could handle the RPF, I talked to the RPF 
MAA about it and he had me read policies on R/Sers and psychosis and 
psychotics.  Then he explained how the RPF is set up in a way to 
handle psychotics.  Because psychotic people cannot follow orders, or 
complete cycles of action (in other words, finish anything they 
start).  You are told that the RPF rules are there to keep everyone's 
psychosis under control long enough to audit and handle them.
        At musters people told "success stores," such as: "Today I 
realized why I'm in the RPF.  I realized that I really am psychotic 
about many things and that I really have to handle it.  And all I can 
say is thank you LRH, for giving me this chance to get handled and 
"Today in my auditing we handled a psychosis I've had for
trillions of years, and we ran it back to the basic and it just blew.  
I know I'll never have that psychosis again."
        "I just finished handling an ethics cycle with the MAA and it's 
probably the best thing that's ever happened to me.  I found that my 
ethics have been out ever since I got into Scientology, and because my 
ethics have been out, the tech wasn't going in on me so I wasn't 
getting the gains that I should have been getting.  Well, I can now 
say that I really am  Scientologist, and I know that LRH's tech is the 
greatest in the world."
Everyone at musters would cheer and clap.  These are just
examples of some of the things people said.
        Within the RPF, is the RPF's RPF.  This is where people who 
haven't realized that they need the RPF, are sent.  In Clearwater, 
they were sent down to the boiler room under guard, of course, and had 
to work there the entire day scrubbing pipes and walls in the boiler 
room. They are segregated from all other RPF members.  They were given 
a pen and paper to write their overts and write lower ethics condition 
formulas while in the boiler room.  They were allowed 15 minutes to 
shower before going to bed at night and allowed an average of 5 hours 
sleep.  They ate after the RPF ate, and were only allowed enough time 
to eat.  They did this until they realized how evil and suppressive 
they are and how much they need the RPF.
        About a dozen people were sent to the RPF's RPF during the time 
I was there.  One guy was sent there because he tripped down the 
stairs and accidentally set off the fire alarm in the Fort Harrison. 
Usually, the people there were those who wanted to leave or who had 
been involved in some sort of "out - 2D" [Hubbard's Second Dynamic- 
sex].  "Out - 2D" consisted of kissing or holding hands with the 
opposite sex.  You were not allowed any relationships with the 
opposite sex, unless you were married.
        People who were married saw their spouses during one meal break 
(30 minutes) a day.  The spouse had to join the RPF member when the 
RPF ate, because the RPF member could not go to a staff dining area.  
They were allowed one night a week together regardless of whether both 
were in the RPF or not.  Then, if the RPF member stats were up, they 
could join their spouse after the nightly muster, but had to report 
back in the morning.  The "night-out" room was in the day care center, 
which wasn't used for anything at night.  The couples would throw 
their mattresses on the floor there for the night.
        The one night out a week was canceled by LRH sometime in June or 
July of 1978.  RPFers were not to have contact with their spouses 
except once a day at a meal.  This was an F.O 3434 series written by 
        If they had children, RPFers were allowed to see them during the 
meal time, plus one hour a week, if their stats were up.
Auditing in the RPF almost destroyed me.  For one thing, I had
trouble going "Backtrack" - into past lives.  After I finally learned 
"past track remedies" where you say anything that pops into your 
brain, like monsters or fighting space wars, or whatever, my 
imagination ran wild and I began having two or three pictures popping 
up at one time, I wouldn't know which one was actually a past life or 
if it was my imagination or if they were all past lives but at 
different times, or what.  I was "run" on stuff I'd already been "run" 
on.  I had 3 - 4 drug rundowns, "re-verifications" of my Method 1, 35 
hours Op-proby-dup [A process where you walk back and forth examining 
and describing a book and a bottle, hours on end for weeks.], etc.  I 
was getting upset and the move upset I became, the more I was 
subjected to auditing.  As my "auditing program" deteriorated, I 
became more of a security threat and they then put me on security 
checks to go over all my overts and withholds.  I finally just shut 
up, submitted, and let them audit whatever they wanted on me.
        This led me to Expanded Dianetics.  This is where you audit out 
or "run out" all your "evil purposes", and evil intentions and handle 
your "Rock Slams" [a particular reaction on the E-Meter that shows a 
person is totally psycho].  Evil purposes that your run out are "to 
destroy" or "to kill", etc.  I must have run dozens of these evil 
purposes, then we turned to my R/S handling.  By now it's
somewhere around the beginning of 1978, I think.  I really have very 
little sense of time here - for one thing, one day was just like the 
next.  There was no variation.  Weekends were the same as weekdays.  
It is all sort of one big lump to me - especially after I started on 
my Expanded Dianetics and my brain really started to come apart.  I 
was in sort of a cloud or a daze most of the time, that's the only way 
I can describe it.
My R/S handling I think was the point where my brain wasn't
just falling apart, but it started to get fried.  I was running out 
all these evil purposes connected to the R/ses, and I started spouting 
out and running out the weirdest things like, "to be somebody else", 
"to blow up a planet", "commit suicide," "to never grow up," "to kill 
myself," "to destroy bodies."  The list was endless.  My brain was 
just getting fried on all of this.  I mean I had to have been the most 
evil and craziest person that ever existed.  I don't know how to 
describe what happened other than that my brain was frying right up.  I 
felt like I was in a daze half of the time.  I'd do things, sort of 
like watching myself doing them but not realizing I was doing it, as 
if it was somebody else, except that I know it was me.  I'd scream at 
my auditor, I'd throw down the cans to the E-Meter that I was holding, 
I'd refuse to get auditing.  I just created a real scene.  So of 
course, I ended up in ethics, and had a "body guard" put on me.
        This whole thing was a period of weeks, I think.  But actually,
in the state I was in, it could have been 2 days or it could have been 
2 months.  Somewhere around here I got sick and was "off post."  I was 
in "sick bay."  I was sick for a few days, running a high fever. One 
morning, the RPF member who handles the sick RPF people, woke me up 
very early to take my temperature.  I told her it was too early, and 
turned over and went back to sleep.  She called another RPF member and 
they made me stick the thermometer in my mouth. I did, and went over 
to the bathroom, because I had just gotten up. My temperature was 
still high.  They left, and the next thing I knew, the RPF MAA was in 
there.  He ordered me out of bed and onto the decks.  I was angry, 
upset and running a fever.  I was ordered onto the decks because the 
RPF MAA received a report that I went to the bathroom with the 
thermometer and had put it under hot water to raise the temperature.
        It's an LRH order that sick people are supposed to be "isolated" 
from others.  When the Flag "Medical Officer" found out I had been 
pulled out of isolation, she came over and took my temperature.  It 
was high, so she sent me back to Sick Bay.
        When I finally left "Sick Bay", it was in the evening.  I walked 
into the RPF course room and there was an order on the bulletin board 
throwing me off post and back "on the decks".  I couldn't handle that 
in the state I was in.  My auditing was crazy, and the only other 
thing I had in my life was my C/S post.
        I looked at the order, turned around, and went to a phone in a 
hallway (inter-building phone) and called the Registrar in the F. H., 
giving him a false name.  I convinced him to give me the phone number 
of another Scientologist in Clearwater.  She was the only person I 
know who wasn't an S. O member and I believed that she would not turn 
me in.  Then I walked out of the garage, jumped over the wall, and 
just kept walking.  No one noticed me, I don't think anyone knew I had 
left Sick Bay, so I was not guarded at the time.
        I walked like a zombie for about 15 minutes, at least I think it 
was about 15 minutes.  There was nothing going through my mind.  It 
was completely blank - like a zombie.  It was like my mind was off in 
space somewhere.  I noticed nothing around me; I don't know where I 
walked.  Anyway, after about 15 minutes, I began to realize that I had 
just jumped over the wall.  I was in serious trouble.  I was petrified 
and wanted to return but if I did, I would be under guard again and 
placed in the RPF's RPF.  I would also again be placed on their Bad 
Indicators (B. I.) list, which consisted of people who were under 
guard at all times.  I was on the B. I. list when I was taken off the 
C/S post, except no one know I left the sick room, so they hadn't 
assigned a guard to me yet.
I'm not sure where I was, somewhere on Fort Harrison Avenue,
I think.  I sat down on a stairway to figure out what to do.  Then I 
remembered I had made that phone call to get my friend's number, so I 
walked to a 7-11 and called her.  I received directions to her house. 
It was approximately 4-5 miles.  I walked it, and when I got there, 
there were 4-5 guys waiting for me.  I'm not sure if my friend called 
them of if someone heard me asking for my friend's phone number.  I 
completely broke down when I saw them, crying and carrying on.  I told 
them I wanted to talk to my friend alone.  I was pretty incoherent 
talking to my friend.  I wasn't making too much sense by this point, 
and the tears were just flowing.  I kept crying about how I couldn't 
handle the RPF anymore.  That it was not them, but it was me; I said 
that I needed Expanded Dianetics and I had to get myself handled 
because I was psychotic, but I couldn't get it handled while in the 
RPF, because I was too "restimulated;" and therefore, I would never 
get out of the RPF.  I was just rambling.  Meanwhile, my friend was 
convincing me to return to the RPF.  She said I would be a fool not to 
go back because I'd have such a "freeloader bill" that I could never 
pay it back.  She told me of a friend of ours (mutual friend) who had 
left Scientology, and then was killed in a motorcycle accident.  If I 
left I'd probably pull in a "motivator" like that (Scientology 
believes if you do something bad, then something bad will happen back 
to you called a motivator).  Finally, I agreed to go back, and "route 
out" of the "Sea Org."
        So I was "escorted" back by the guys, and put under immediate 
guard.  I think by now it's about the beginning of August. The next 
few weeks until I actually left are pretty hazy to me - sort of like 
one mass of confusion.  I know I got a "Court of Ethics" and a 
"Committee of Evidence" and a "Fitness Board."  All of these were 
ethics actions showing how bad I was for wanting to leave.  If I began 
to "doubt" Scientology the MAA would tell me that I wasn't doing the 
formulas right and to go back and do them again.  I was slowly 
becoming crazy.  
Meanwhile I was under guard, and I refused to work most of
the time.  I was a real "basket case."  I finally reached the point 
where they would just let me sit and do nothing, or work on my 
condition formulas all day long with someone watching me.  Sometimes 
they would have two people watching me.  One of the MAA's tried to 
throw me in the RPF's RPF, but I screamed and yelled that I would 
"bite" him if he touched me.  So they just let me sit, except for 
hassling me during the day about being a "freeloader."  They would 
say:  "Don't you think you should do a little work, at least to pay 
for the food you're eating?"  I usually replied with a "no."  
Sometimes I agreed to work.  I think they were at a point where they 
just didn't know what to do with me anymore.
        I finally announced that if I didn't leave I would become 
insane. The CMO then announced that LRH had approved an "amnesty for 
RPF members."  When I came in, there were about 40 RPFers.  There were 
around 130-150 when I left because people were not getting out.  This 
amnesty was that any RPFer who wanted to, could leave the RPF.  They 
would not have a freeloader debt which generally amounted to $30,000 - 
$40,000.  They would be a Scientologist in good standing, but they 
could never work on staff anywhere until they completed their RPF 
auditing program at their own expense.
        This meant that I could get out of the RPF and not have a 
freeloader debt.  This very much concerned me because I knew I could 
never pay the debt off and Scientology was rabid about making money 
and having you pay your debts to them.  But I also had no money of my 
own to complete the RPF auditing program because I
had worked for them for virtually nothing for six years, 7 days a 
week.  I was caught in a terrible situation.  I was brainwashed into 
believing that I needed RPF auditing but had no money to pay for it; 
and if I didn't get it, I could not continue in Scientology.
        I accepted the amnesty, along with 7 or 8 people.  We all then
received security checks concerning whether we were taking any 
Scientology data with us, what our intentions were when we left, etc. 
Then our luggage and stuff was all checked and searched to make sure 
we didn't have any internal documents, etc.  They went through all our 
pc folders [files containing everything you confessed in auditing] and 
made a list of anything that could ever be used against us, such as 
crimes of this lifetime, including stealing, selling drugs, 
prostitution, etc. - anything considered illegal in the eyes of the 
law or immoral in our society.  These lists were then drawn up as 
affidavits, and we had to sign them.  Then we were all taken over to 
the G. O.'s office and signed other forms.  I don't know what I 
signed.  I don't even remember reading what I signed.  I was just 
handed a pen and told to sign.
        On September 2, 1978 I boarded an airplane to Colorado with pre-
paid tickets from my parents.
        If I could sum the RPF up in just one sentence, it would 
probably be, "It is a process by which they make you believe that you 
are psychotic, and then you actually do become psychotic."
                AFTER LEAVING
        After I arrived in Colorado, I spent the first day glued to a 
chair listening to the radio.  I didn't move from that chair until 2 
a. m.  I wanted nothing more in this world than to hear music.
        Although I now live in a great deal of fear and terror because 
of what Scientology did to me, the constant control and deprivation 
imposed on me has left me with an appreciation for the simple things 
in life.  Things like being able to get in a car and go for a ride, 
being able to be alone, being able to walk outside, feeling the sun on 
you, and all by your own choice without anyone telling you that you 
to do it or that you can't.  I don't think I ever really understood 
what it means to be free and have freedom, until it was taken from me.
        Shortly after I returned home, Jonestown occurred, and that
did it for me.  I realized that if at any point LRH had handed me a 
glass of poison and told me to drink it, I would have, with no 
questions asked and no second thoughts.  At that point, I think I got 
"shocked" out of Scientology.
        I later wrote to some Scientology friends with whom I was still 
in contact.  I told them I was no longer a Scientologist.  I never 
heard from them, but instead received an Ethics Order declaring me a 
Suppressive Person and expelling me from the "Church."
        Emotionally and mentally, I went through quite a trauma
adjusting to the outside world.  I experienced a culture shock.  My 
parents helped me.  They left me alone the first few months and I 
slept and rested most of the time.  Occasionally, my parents took me 
for drives in the mountains.  My mother was very understanding and she 
never made me talk about my experiences.  But if I wanted to talk, she 
was there.  They didn't make me feel like a fool for what I had done, 
though I certainly felt like one.  I started to come out of the "daze" 
I was in, within 2 months, with a lot of "TLC."
        I was 23 years old, and I didn't know anything about opening
a personal checking account, taxes, investments, buying a car, 
shopping, social security (that was a word I heard that had something 
to do with retirement).  Watergate was something that I remembered 
hearing about, but I only had a vague impression that the President 
was impeached or resigned because of something he did to the 
Democratic party.
        I also experienced something that I believe most ex-cult
members go through - a sort of "void" where everything you believe in 
all of a sudden vanished, and it leaves you with nothing to hold on 
to. It is a very strange feeling.  I went through a long period where 
I simply didn't believe anything, T. V., books, newspapers, etc.  I 
didn't believe because if I had been so wrong before, how could I 
trust myself again to believe anything was right?
        I eventually researched and studied mind control and the effect
of it.  I began to understand what had happened to me.
        Around January of February, 1979, I decided to do something
about Scientology.  I heard Senator Dole was doing an investigation on 
cults.  I wrote him a letter about Scientology, LRH and the RPF.  I 
didn't sign my name, but I suppose it is possible to ascertain who I 
was by what I wrote.  Anyway, shortly afterwards I began to receive 
threatening phone calls.  In one call the caller said:  "You like your 
parents don't you?"  Then he laughed and hung up.
        The next incident that happened is very vague and uncertain to 
        Following one of these threatening phone calls, I went to a 
restaurant/lounge where my brother and friends usually meet, across 
from my brother's home.  I remember ordering a "Tequila Sunrise" while 
waiting for my brother.  I spoke to a man I didn't know who approached 
me and started a conversation.  He left after about ten minutes.  I 
left shortly after that feeling a little strange, the next thing I 
remember is waking up in a psychiatric ward.  My front teeth were 
knocked out.  Apparently, I lost my balance and fell on my face.  The 
doctor told me that the laboratory found amphetamines, thorazine and 
other drugs in my blood.
        I do not take drugs, nor do I have access to them.  Aspirin is 
about the strongest medication I take.  I had no knowledge or memory 
of having taken these drugs.  I have little memory of the lapse of 
time between being in the lounge and ending up in the psychiatric 
ward.  I am trying to piece the days together prior to my 
        I don't know what happened to me.  I received a call at work 
about a week after being discharged from the hospital.  The caller 
said:  "Next time you won't be so lucky."
        I consulted a therapist at the Mental Health Association after I 
was discharged from the hospital.  Initially, I was terrified and 
frightened.  Then I felt the most intense hatred and anger I had ever 
experienced directed primarily toward myself and to Scientology.  I 
turned inward, and came very close to putting a hole in my head.
        I'm over that now and the anger has left me.  I do get upset 
when I think or talk about the RPF or what happened to me in the 
hospital.  I shake and I get the chills, and I suffer from insomnia. 
There are times when I "flash back" to the "daze" that I had.  It only 
lasts about 3 or 4 seconds.  It occurs when I'm in an uncomfortable 
position, such as being near someone I don't know.  Someone will say 
something to me, and I hear them.  What was said to me registers, but 
my mind goes blank in response.  It can be something as simple as 
someone asking me what time it is, or asking me if I like the food I 
just ate.  It takes me a few seconds to answer.  It doesn't happen too 
often, but when it does, it scares me, and leaves me shaken for a few 
        I moved to California in June, 1979, to start a new life.
        Shortly after I moved, my parents received calls from people
who identified themselves as "a friend" wanting to know my new 
address, or where I was.  A few months after I moved, someone called 
my former place of employment in Colorado and said they were from Avco 
Finance "doing an employment verification on me."  Debbie, the girl 
who received the call said that I didn't work there anymore. The 
caller acted surprised, saying that she had a loan application from 
me, and asked for my current address.  Debbie gave it to her. Another 
friend at this place of work called and told me what had happened.  I 
hadn't applied for any loans.  My mother called all the Avco Finance 
offices in the Denver area, and no one had called about me.  I 
notified the people where I worked not to give anyone information, 
unless I let them know to expect a call.  Fortunately, I had just 
moved, so the address the girl gave them was incorrect.
The following week, my former employer received another call.
A different girl in the office answered the phone, and the caller said 
that she wanted to speak with the girl that she had spoken to the week 
before about my employment verification.  So Debbie took the call, and 
the caller identified herself as "Janet, from Aetna Finance Company."  
She said that she wanted to re-check the address that
was given to her.  Debbie wouldn't give her any information.  The lady 
became upset and harassed her about not giving the address when she 
had been willing to disclose it the week before.  Debbie told her that 
I had instructed her not to give out the information, and "Janet" said 
something to the effect of "Oh, then you're in touch with her, and you 
do know where she is."  The caller said that I had applied for a loan 
and that this would affect the application.  Debbie finally hung up.  
The person called right back and asked to speak with Debbie. "Janet" 
said she had just talked to her supervisor and he didn't understand 
why Debbie wouldn't give her information on me.  Debbie told her not 
to call again.  "Janet" then said, "Well, thank you, Miss Sheffield," 
in an angry tone, and hung up.  Debbie had never disclosed her last 
Shortly after I contacted Attorney Michael Flynn in Boston
about the class action suit brought against Scientology, my supervisor 
at work received a call from an unidentified person.  The person said 
that I was rude, bad for business and would cause the loss of 
customers.  My boss said, "I don't know what you are talking about. 
Annie is a great girl.  Happy New Year."  She hung up.
        I have never been rude on the phone at this job and if it was a 
customer, they certainly would have identified themselves because we 
know all our clients by name.
        I have read about the cases in Washington, D. C., involving 
burglary, theft, and bugging by the G. O. and I have been told of 
various instances where the G. O. has wiretapped the phones of ex-
Scientologists.  If the G. O. knows I have joined the class suit I am 
afraid of what to expect from them.
        Anne Rosenblum
        first published in the inFormer 

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