Inside Scientology

First-hand accounts of the Scientology Experience

Isabel Hsin-Yu Chang's Story

From: isabel@uhunix3.uhcc.Hawaii.Edu (Isabel Hsin-Yu Chang)

I have a word to say about my experience in scientology. I think 
scientology creates a fake world, and everything in it is fake. I have 
been in it for a week, and luckily i got out. No doubt it is a very 
powerful organization in that it can brainwash people so quickly to such 
an extent that those being brainwashed just forget everything and only 
has scientology goals in their mind. This is very horrible. Honestly, I 
have been brainwashed too, to such an extent that I even wanted to sign 
up for a contract to be a staff member for two and a half year!.. That 
was because I have no knowledge about that bad things of scientology 
whatsoever. Now, I think back, I just felt I was lucky. Scientology can 
make one feel good, but this is just an deception or illusion. In fact, I 
think scientology is a very fairy-tale like world, where people just 
lived in illusions of an ideal world where there are no wars, drugs..etc. 
That's what scientologists aim at improving the world. But, that is very 
naive, and stupid.

And the reactive mind, now i think back, i just think it's really stupid. 
It's just human nature to be jealous, greedy, selfish.. etc.. thus 
explained the occurences of wars..etc. And, to get rid of the reactive 
mind is simply against human nature. Or in another words, the person who 
proposed of getting rid of the reactive mind perhaps just have 
controlling other's peoples thoughts and actions as his/her main goals!( 
which is very bad).

And, L.Ron. Hubbard. He is VERY clever, or one can say, a REAL genius. 
But these people just kind of sucks when they use their talents for bad 
purposes instead of good ones!! And how many DECENT and LITERATE people 
have been FOOLED by him?? I just wondered WHEN these people would EVER 
REALIZE what a MESS they have got themselves into! Perhaps, they will 
NEVER be able to REALIZE that, depending on their own fate.. and the 
degree of being brainwashed. THIS is a very Sad matter....(so to speak).

I have been in it and now I have gone out. I can clearly see the 
difference between me in the org. and me back to real life. There is a 
HUGE difference. In the org, when i have been brainwashed, I thought 
EVERYTHING in this world is bad, and we the scientologists, are the only 
ones that can improve people's lives. And I was like detached from real 
life at that time.. with all the teachings of L.Ron Hubbard on my mind. 
At that time, i was just feeling strange, I felt that something is 
controlling my mind. That my mind is under a very powerful or hypnotic 
control. But then, after someone told me the bad things about 
scientology, I realized what a mess i have got myself into. And, I made 
up my mind not to go to the org and receive anymore auditing. I have to 
called them up to cancel the contract. But, I can't believe, i was SO 
afraid of telling them that i changed my mind THAT i had to ask a 
counsellor to help me. And when i started talking to one of the people 
there, I trembled. This is just the evidence of it 
all. How can a Good organization made one trembled with fear? Later, a 
few ppl from the org called me up and asked me why i have changed my 
mind. I just tell them that's just the way it is, and they left me alone.

They are nice people, Scientologists are basically good and decent 
people. What is bad is the evil purpose behind the seemingly good 
organization. And if one has to blame on anything, That's the founder of 
scientology. All the other scientologists just happened to get into the mess.

I don't blame anyone, or any scientologists. If I am to blame, that's the 
Founder's fault. OR, Well, this is just what the world is like, always a 
mixture of evil and good. And, if the good aren't clever enough to avoid 
the traps, then....this is just one fact of life.

Just hope that this evil won't spread too quickly like wildfire across 
the world. Where is the true god? When will he ever come along to save 
these people from the clutches of the demon? 

This is still a mystery.
Hope people won't get hooked on it.


Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
From: isabel@uhunix3.uhcc.Hawaii.Edu (Isabel Hsin-Yu Chang)
Subject: Re: scientology
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 20:52:30 GMT

henry ( wrote:
: someone said:

: >I have a word to say about my experience in scientology. 

: thank you.

: and congratulations.  be careful.  be very careful.

: the cult can be very nasty to ex-members who criticize
: them.  or they might suddenly start calling you up and
: being _really_ friendly, and want to _help_ you clear 
: up your _misunderstanding_ of scientology.

: the only thing more scary and dangerous than the cult
: is a _smiling_ scientologist.  that'd be worse even
: than the snarling curs we have here.

: if it happens, _don't_ listen to them.  they're good
: at sounding like friendly human beings when they're
: desperate to get a member back.  see how fast it turns
: to threats and intimidation if you disagree.

: you only were there for a little while, it seems, so 
: they probably don't have a grip on you, but be careful.
: like heroin, scientology behavior starts up wherever 
: you left off if they get you back.

I agree with what you said. Anyway, I have a friend who is a 
scientologist who would still call me up once a week to talk about it. He 
just sucks and is getting stranger than ever. And even very defensive and 
aggressive especially when i said something bad about his "religion".
Well, the more defensive and unreasonable he is, the more he shows 
what a bad organization he is associated with.:)

Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
Date: Sat, 29 Apr 1995 21:55:03 UTC
Subject: Scientology

On Mon, 24 Apr 1995 rnewman@MIT.EDU wrote:

> Please tell us more about how you got in, and how you decided
> to leave.  Were you on staff for that week?
Hi, Well, It's kind of a long story. Even though i have been there for 
just a week, I have learnt quite a lot already.

Well, First, I happened to know a friend in the caffeteria called Mac. 
And, then Mac introduced me to Jac, who was the one that introduced 
scientology to me. After Mac had introduced me to Jac, Jac started 
to call me frequently on the phone and talked to me about Scientology 
ideas..etc. Well, that had been going on for like some time, and then, at 
one point i had an upset with my irc boyfriend added that he kept calling 
and talked to me about scientology, and also gave me some comfort and 
advice over the upset. And there was this day, 
the celebration of L.Ron Hubbard's birthday, which he tried so hard to 
persuade me to go. He said it was really good. At that time, i was 
feeling kind of troubled because of the upset with my irc boyfriend. And 
he said that well perhaps it would make me feel better if i go out 
instead of just stayed at home etc. And, he also said that i should not 
just reject seeing something that i have not seen before. And, it made 
sense to me. I thought, well why not gave it a try and see what this 
scientology was all about before i said i didn't like it.. since he was 
making such a big fuss about it. And so, I went to the Celebration of 
L.Ron.Hubbard's birthday. 

It was like in a theatre, and they showed us a film,(which they said it 
was a real broadcast from LA.), which they have saved up for us to see.
Well, after watching the film about 1-2hours, I was really amazed, and 
kind of started to admire this man-L.ron.hubbard. I got really interested 
in scientology. What was in the film is that, the words were really 
powerful and looked reasonable to me, without any flaws. Everything 
seemed so nice. And there was also L. Ron Hubbard explaining "his only 
defense for having lived" is something like to help mankind to help 
themselves and that man would have glad that he had lived. And, there was 
this part that talked about those organizations that were against 
Scientology. He said that many organizations had gone against scientology 
and him. He said, "why would scientology create such an uproar in them?",
"was it because scientology was very 
powerful and could prove their theories wrong?" (note i did not 
remembered exactly what he said, just the general idea)
All these things just were so convincing that there couldn't seem to be 
any reason for doubts. His words were just TOO convincing and reasonable 
in a way. And the film also showed their various successes and wins all 
over the world. Many people clapped their hands and cheered at the wins. 
My friend -Jac seemed to be the loudest :).

After the film, we went outside where they had prepared some food for us 
to eat. And , there i met another woman named Wes. She had been a staff 
member there for about 15-20 years. Well, she talked to me about taking a 
course in communications. And, well she asked me many questions like do i 
have a hard time communicating, or saying what i want to others..etc. And 
well, most of the time i agreed. And then she said i really need to take 
the course. She made an appointment with me. (But i thought she didn't 
meant it, so i didn't take it seriously). And so I forgot to go to the 

Thus, Jac called me and asked me why i didn't go to the appointment, and 
i said i forgot. And so he said Wes would called me up again.

So, wes called me up to make an appointment for another day, and so i went.
We talked for 3 long hours about scientology, and she showed me 2 videos 
about it. Well, I have taken the personality test (through a newspaper ad) 
before and i scored low on it. Then that day, i wanted to take it again 
to see if i have changed much, ( i am sure that my answers did change 
some and i thought my scores would have improved a bit). Well, sure it 
did improve "a little", but basically the graph looked the same as the 
first one I took. And then, well, she explained to me about the 
personality test..etc.. and they seemed to make sense to me. And the 
personality test did really seem real and true to me at that time. 

So, i told her that i was feeling sad all the time and didn't know why 
and asked her if there were some courses that could help me. And She 
recommended dianetics.. And so, i bought the book and paid the fees 
totalling about $125.

Well, One strange thing i noticed about was the paper that had my bills 
on it the amount that i have paid. There were two names below it, they 
were Wes And Jac... This looked strange to me before, but now i know why, 
guess that's the way they got credits for their work.

Well, so i got into the course. Since it was spring vacation for one 
whole week, I spent most of my time there everyday from 9am-6pm monday to 
Friday. I studied in a room with only another student-Jac.. and also the 
supervisor, who helped us if we did not understand the course.

I read the book continuosly from 9am-10:30am, then there was a break of 
15 mintues. And we continued from 10:45am-12noon. Then i went out for my 
lunch myself for an hour. Then resumed the studies from 1pm-3:30pm, break 
of 15 minutes, then 3:45pm-6pm. The schedule was really rigid and tough. 
Well, we could not fall asleep during class. The supervisor would 
constantly check to see if you are reading the material correctly. One 
time i felt sleepy, and he then said that perhaps i did not understand 
the material. That's the reason they gave for being sleepy or rather 
L.Ron.Hubbard's reason. "The reason a person fell asleep is that they 
don't understand the word." So, like, if we gone past any word we didn't 
know, we have to look up the dictonary. And this thing is something i 
don't quite agree on. LIke, one doesn't have to look up EVERY single word 
to know the whole thing. Sometimes one can even skipped many words that 
are not important and Still get the GENERAL idea of it. So, this is one 
strange thing. Well, in the room, they have the big saying put up on the 
wall "Understanding comes from Freedom from Misunderstood words"
(something like that, not exact sentence though) which makes sense doesn't
it? :)

That's classroom stuff, When i was there, i see one or two other people 
taking other courses too. Communications course i guess. LIke a person 
keep on asking the other the same questions" what would you like to talk 
to your mother about" the person kept on repeating the same thing to the 
other person.  And, they also have a lesson that have a person sit on a 
chair and close their eyes.. to test how long they can be like that 
without moving.(I realize now that it's like making people get into a 
trance so that they can be more easily manipulated)..etc. They have clay 
models too. They use them to demonstrate some concepts which are 
difficult to explain in words.. etc..

I went through auditing too.. I was audited and i also audited someone else.
The auditing is that 2 people in a quiet room. And me being the preclear. 
And there was the auditor that started to ask questions. First he asked 
me to close my eyes and listened to him as he counted 1,2,3 till i closed 
my eyes. Then he would tell me that whatever thing that happened would be 
cancelled after i heard the word cancel and that thing would not have any 
effects on me whatsoever. And then he proceeded to ask me to recall an 
incident in which i felt sad about. So, I told him the details, and he 
had me go over it again and again and "picked up whatever details i could 
contact".. and till i felt cheerful about it, then he would end the session.

Then, there was some incident, which he made me repeat a sentence 
again and again for more that 20 times.. this is because this incident 
was a "lock" i think. And i have to repeat the sentence for many times 
till he thought it was enough. And we would stop. The session usually 
took 1-1.5 hour (for me). Strange enough, these auditing did help a bit,( 
i guess it was just fake feeling that was just temporary.. or what people 
called they used psychological means). 

After 5 days.. someone asked me to join staff. And i was very eager to be 
able to get to the stage of "clear", but then i realized the enormous 
money that i have to put in, and while joining staff, i could get those 
courses all for free. So, i decided to join staff. Besides, i liked the 
people there, they all seemed so nice, friendly, they didn't put people 
down, no discrimination, and yeah looked all VERY ethical and 
intelligent,as compared to those classmates that i saw around me.. whom 
many smoked, speak foul language, cursed, put others down, inconsiderate.
These things made these scientologists stand out from the real world. 
They seemed to be like a piece of pure rock in the disturbing world 
around us (which is true), and their personality and ethics seemed to 
match mine pretty well, as i don't smoke, drink, curse, etc.. So, that's 
what drew me to them that quick, we have same things in common.

What changed was when i told my brother and father about it. My brother 
IMMEDIATELY realized that something was wrong, and he sent me all the bad 
information regarding the cult which i have never known. My father cried 
for the first time in my 19 years of life when he heard that i wanted to 
quit school to be a staff member for 2 and a half year with low pay. All 
of a sudden, It just seemed to me that I did something really terribly 
wrong to make them so concerned about me, which had never brought 
them so much concern in the past. Well, then it seemed that i had no 
choice but to just cancel the contract because of my father. The thing 
was so serious that, my father said that if i joined the Cult, he would 
severe ties with me, and would not consider me his daughter anymore, and 
that also, his health would deteriote or might die early if i joined the 
cult (although he didn't know it was a cult or anything). He was just 
against me for not completing college. He told me that i could do 
anything i wanted after I finished college. And I told him that alright i 
would not join staff for the time being, but would do so as soon as i 
graduate from college. And he felt better. This was the one thing that 
made me change my mind, At that time this seemed to be the only way out- 
that was to get out of scientology. I would not want to join scientology 
at the expense of my father's health and my brother's worries. What's 
worse, was that, i wouldn't want to be the cause of my father's death if 
i joined staff. And also, i realized that scientology must be real bad if 
it really caused such worries in my family because i know they cared 
about me. That's why i decided to cancel the contract..etc.. 
Moreover, at that time, I could realize that i was already very detached 
from real life.. even it was kind of a different feeling when i was 
relating to my brother or father.. who were outside scientology. I could 
feel that my mind was under some sort of control like in the scientology 
world.. detached from real life.. kind of.

Actually, before i told my father i wanted to join staff, i had already 
told one of the scientologists that my father was against it. And the 
scientologist just told me not to tell my father that i wanted to join 
staff yet, but wait till he and i had planned out something (like teach 
me more about scientology), so that i could convince my father, and try 
to make him understand. But, i just happened to tell my brother, and he 
told my father and so.. 

And what followed up was that i know i had to call them up and cancel my 
contract. We were all very concerned if the contract was legally binding 
or not, luckily i was told it was not by Jac. But, another realization 
that it was a cult, was that, I was very afraid to call them up to cancel 
the contract. LIke my father said, if it was a good organization, why 
would it cause me so much fear? I didn't even dare to call them up 
myself, instead, I went to ask the help of a school counsellor to help 
me. She practiced with me in how to reject others. And then she was there 
when i called them up to cancel the contract. We made the phone available 
to listen for both of us. I dialed the number, and asked to speak to Ann 
(I was trembling with fear) - this was another evidence of being involved 
in a cult. And i got the reply that Ann was writing success stories and 
would take quite a while, and i said i would call back later. After a few 
mintues, i called them again, and another guy picked up and asked me who 
i was, i just told them that i was a client of ann and asked to speak to 
Ann. So, Ann came after a while and I told him that i wanted to cancel 
the contract, and he was surprised indeed. And then i made excuses that i 
needed to go to class and hung up, i didn't tell him the reason why, no 
doubt he would have liked to know, but good that he didn't push me further.
He didn't say anything.. just surprised, and there was silence, and i 
hung up. 

And after that day, I thought those people might call me up again, and so 
many times, i set the ringer off ( I was still very weak at that time, 
for fear i might be pulled back in by their persuasion again), so i just 
stayed out late , and not answered any phones and read more about what 
scientology was really about. Well, then, after a week, i put my ringer 
back, and well, 2-3 people did call me back and asked me why i had 
changed my mind. They believed that there must be some reason, or i must 
have got some bad information which might not be true about scientology. 

Well, at first i said no.. i just changed my mind, but then i did reveal 
to them about a book that i have read about it to Wes, a scientologist. 
And she said "how could you believe in a book, I have been here for many 
years, and i have seen all sorts of rumors which just were not true". I
talking about the book - a piece of blue sky. Anyway, i just said i 
decided not to join scientology.( i have woke up from the fake world) 
Actually wes had called me up because she said i needed to complete the cycle.
I just need to audit one more 
person, then i could finish the course "dianetics" and graduate. Well, i 
just said i was not interested.. 

Well, luckily they did not call me up anymore. They just called me once 
(the two people that was there when i signed the contract). But Jac- my 
friend who introduced scientology to me, still called me up once every week.
He is getting stranger than ever, which makes me feel more and more that 
it is a cult. i discovered that it's kind of difficult for me to 
understand what he was saying.. the way he thinks is very different and 
strange. Everything is black or white, like either this or that. There 
should not be any neutral answers. And everytime i challenged his ideas, 
and said bad thigns about scientology, he would get mad, and even scoll 
me "why are you so f*cking stupid", which he had never done that to me 
before, I was really thrilled ..Like, there was an incident. This A 
called him up and told him that *i* said something to A. And *he* called 
me up to verify the information with me to see if i have really said that 
thing to *A*, and I said i did not. And *he* said that *A* is a liar 
then. And, i just think it was not right, because A just misunderstood 
something that i have said to A, and thus A related the wrong information 
to *him*, so A was not lying, just misunderstood. But *he* said that he 
would not accept that, the point he wanted was that either *A* lied to
*him* or *I* lied to *him*, that 's all, he didn't really take those
miunderstandings into consideration. This is just an example of black and
white concepts in his thoughts.

And when talking to him, he is always right, and i am always wrong, if i 
tried to challenge his scientology's ideas, he would try all means to 
convince that i am wrong. And one time i asked him what's your purpose in 
calling me up? And he said that from the beginning till now, his purpose 
was to help me get involve with scientology so that scientology could 
help me, and that his purpose had not changed a bit. And i told him that 
i am not interested in scientology anymore. And he said that, I 
disappointed him, because he thought he had brought someone really able 
like me into scientology, and now i don't even want to have anything to 
do with it, and in spite of that, i am even beginning to attack 
scientology. He even at one time said that i was a PTS=potential trouble 
source. ( i just thought he was totally out of his mind, he is very 
aggressive and persuasive by the way). He said he felt bad, because he 
felt responsible for creating a PTS. And now, he had to try to get me 
not to be against scientology.

That's about the story. Well, I just realized that this friend of mine is 
getting more and more aggressive and extreme the more time he spent in 
it. He almost spent everyday at the Org studying from 9am to 6pm. Even 
weekdays too..he's a field staff member.

There is a huge difference when you are a scientologist and when you are 
not. It's two worlds, and two personalities. At the time my father and 
brother got worried about me and called me up, it somehow made me realize 
that i am in another world, and they brought me somehow back to
"consciousness" of this real world. That's when I started to Realize
This Fake thing all together at one time plus all those bad information
about it. 

Guess that's about it, I am safe now. But that friend still called me 
once a week. But, I think he is in serious trouble already.. And, I don't 
think I can help him..only god knows. I might just try my best if i have 
the time. I just borrowed the "combatting cult mind thinking" by steven 
hassan in the hope to deal with his phone calls. I cannot comprehend him 
much now. But when i was in scientology, I understand everything he 
said.. we thought the same way.. that's how it does through processing.
But now, i think differently since i am back to normal."All 
scientologists think the same, have the same thought processes".

Another thing that doesn't make sense, is that, If scientology really 
help one a lot or help one to build more confidence etc..How can one be 
really confident in scientology and then resume back to one's own not 
that confident when not in scientology? If it's really a real thing, one 
should stay confident etc. both inside and outside of scientology.(One 
can't have two personalities at the same time.) But that's not the case. 
So it's just an "illusion or fake thing" they set up 
through processing, made you think that you really did improve..etc..

That's what i thought, Hope these are useful to you and the others who 
liked to know more about scientology.
btw, scientology practices "mind-control" of individuals. Beware.:)


Mail Comments | Scientology Criticism | Martin Poulter | Karin Spaink