Karin Spaink

Laro,

Dank je, voor de virtuele hug. Hug terug en ook voor je kat.

Het gemis aan echte hugs is de reden dat ik hier zit. Denk ook dat het er niet meer in zit. Ben 53 en nog nooit mogen ervaren. Maar ik kan daardoor juist niet lief tegen mezelf zijn. Ik zal het om een of andere reden niet verdiend hebben. Ach, het is oneerlijk verdeeld in de wereld. Als je aan eenzaamheid zou sterven was ik er al lang niet meer geweest. Dat zou een stuk makkelijker zijn.

Dat obsessieve praten met jezelf, weet er alles van. Ik denk weleens, als de spanning in mijn hoofd en lijf omgezet kon worden in stroom kan ik half Nederland van energie voorzien.

Maar goed, ik ga maar even lezen, anders wordt ik te somber.

Sterkte met alles,
Knuf,
Pillie

Bericht bewerkt 17:00 – 9 Feb 2012 door Laro

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…..kGjvhldQZ8

Metallica ~ Sad But True

Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
They
They betray
I'm your only true friend now
They
They'll betray
I'm forever there

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true

You
You're my mask
You're my cover, my shelter
You
You're my mask
You're the one who's blamed
Do
Do my work
Do my dirty work, scapegoat
Do
Do my deeds
For you're the one who's shamed

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true

Hate
I'm your hate
I'm your hate when you want love
Pay
Pay the price
Pay, for nothing's fair

Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who took you there
Hey
I'm your life
And I no longer care

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true

I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reasoned alibis
I'm inside open your eyes
I'm you

Sad But True

Bericht bewerkt 16:58 – 9 Feb 2012 door Laro

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…..gdJjvWIlJg

Etta James ~ Stormy Weather

Don't know why, there's no sun up in the sky
Stormy weather, since my man and I ain't together
Keeps raining all the time

Life is bare, gloom and misery everywhere
Stormy weather, just can't get my poor old self together
I'm weary all the time, the time, so weary all of the time

When he went away, the blues walked in and met me
If he stays away, old rocking chair will get me
All I do is pray, the lord above will let me
walk in the sun once more

Can't go on, everything I had is gone
Stormy weather, since my man and I ain't together
Keeps raining all the time
Keeps raining all of the time

I walk around heavy-hearted and sad
Night comes around and I'm still feeling bad
Rain pourin' down, blinding every hope I had
This pitter andd n patter and beating, spattering driving me mad
Love, love, love, love, the misery will be the end of me

When he went away, the blues walked in and met me
If he stays away, old rocking chair will get me
All I do is pray, the lord above will let me
Walk in the sun once more

Can't go on, everything I had is gone
Stormy weather, since my man and I ain't together
Keeps raining all the time, the time
Keeps raining all the time

http://youtu.be/s8Q7vrSD36E

Ed Sheeran ~ Drunk

I wanna be drunk when I wake up
On the right side of the wrong bed
And every excuse I made up
Tell you the truth I hate
What didn't kill me
It never made me stronger at all.
Love will scar your make-up lip sticks to me
So now I'll maybe leave back there
I'm sat here wishing I was sober
I know I'll never hold you like I used to.

But our house gets cold when you cut the heating
Without you to hold I'll be freezing
Can't rely on my heart to beat it
'Cause you take part of it every evening
Take words out of my mouth just from breathing
Replace with phrases like when you're leaving me.

Should I, should I?
Maybe I'll get drunk again
I'll be drunk again
I'll be drunk again
To feel a little love

I wanna hold your heart in both hands
I'll watch it fizzle at the bottom of a Coke can
And I've got no plans for the weekend
So shall we speak then
Keep it between friends
Though I know you'll never love me like you used to.

There maybe other people like us
You see the flicker of the clip when they light up
Flames just create us, burns don't heal like before
You don't hold me anymore.

On cold days Coldplay's out like the band's the name
I know I can't heal things with a hand shake
You know I can't change as I began saying
You cut me wide open like landscape
Open bottles of beer but never champagne
We'll applaud you with the sound that my hands make.

Should I, should I?
Maybe I'll get drunk again
I'll be drunk again
I'll be drunk again
To feel a little love.

All by myself
I'm here again
All by myself
You know I'll never change
All by myself
All by myself
I'm just drunk again
I'll be drunk again
I'll be drunk again
To feel a little love

Gisteren bij Graham Norton gezien? ;)

Bericht bewerkt 16:54 – 9 Feb 2012 door Laro

http://www.youtube.com/watch?h…..#038;gl=US

Alanis Morissette ~ Precious Illusions

You'll rescue me right?
In the exact same way they never did,
I'll be happy right?
When your healing powers kick in

You'll complete me right?
Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right?
Only when you realize the gem I am?

But this won't work now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
When I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

This ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armor
This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water

But this won't work as well as the way it once did
'cause I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend

I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode

http://youtu.be/qXgZPQX7rDk

Alice in Chains ~ Angry Chair

Sitting on an angry chair
Angry walls that steal the air
Stomach hurts and I don't care

What do I see across the way, hey
See myself molded in clay, oh
Stares at me, yeah I'm afraid, hey
Changing the shape of his face, aw yeah

Candles red I have a pair
Shadows dancing everywhere
Burning on the angry chair

Little boy made a mistake, hey
Pink cloud has now turned to gray, oh
All that I want is to play, hey
Get on your knees, time to pray, boy

I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I
Lost my mind, yeah
But I don't mind, I-I-I
Can't find it anywhere
I don't mind

Corporate prison, we stay, hey
I'm a dull boy, work all day, oh
So I'm strung out anyway, hey

Loneliness is not a phase
Field of pain is where I graze
Serenity is far away

Saw my reflection and cried, hey
So little hope that I died, oh
Feed me your lies, open wide, hey
Weight of my heart, not the size, oh

I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I
Lost my mind, yeah
But I don't mind, I-I-I
Can't find it anywhere
I don't mind, I-I-I

Pink cloud has now turned to gray
All that I want is to play
Get on your knees time to pray, boy

nice.

@ elmo jah, een mooi iets (en handig voor hier.. ook)

http://youtu.be/wViW1mQFPYY

Lucinda Williams ~ Everything Has Changed

I can't feel my love anymore
I can't feel my love anymore
mystery and the splendor
don’t thrill me like before
I can't feel my love anymore

I don’t want to talk to anyone
I don’t want to talk to anyone
all the words that used to work
are melted in the sun
and I don’t want to talk to anyone

Faces look familiar,
but they don’t have names
towns I used to live in
have been rearranged
Highways I once traveled down
don’t look the same
Everything has changed
Everything has changed

I can’t find my joy anywhere
I can’t find my joy anywhere
all the magic vanished into the misty air
and I can’t find my joy anywhere

Now I don’t know where my faith has gone
Now I don’t know where my faith has gone
from the wonder I had a sense of
to the brightest star that shone
and now I don’t know where my faith has gone

Faces look familiar,
but they don’t have names
towns I used to live in
have been rearranged
Highways I once traveled down
don’t look the same
Everything has changed
Everything has changed

To whom it may concern,

Sinds 30 juni vorig jaar schrijf ik hier af en toe op het forum en lees ik bijna iedere dag de berichten van andere leden. Meer over mezelf delen en gesprekken aangaan in de huiskamer of elders, dat lukt niet echt goed. Niet vreemd misschien, gezien het me "in real life" ook zwaar valt.

Ik merk dat het deel uit maken van dit forum net zo moeilijk is voor me als het deel uit maken van een gezin/familie, een team van collega's, een vriendengroep. Tijd om me terug te trekken, voor nu in ieder geval. Wat betreft zelfmoord of gaan voor het/een leven.. een catch 22-achtige situatie op dit moment. Ik ben bang voor mijn dood en bang voor mijn leven, de balans is fifty-fifty.

Dit tekstje is niet bedoeld als definitief afscheid, maar misschien is het dat wel. Op dit moment kijk ik niet te ver vooruit. Aan iedereen die hier schrijft (en schreef en gaat schrijven): bedankt voor je openheid en wees zo lief mogelijk voor jezelf zolang je nog op deze aardkloot bent.

Laro