Mr. Testa did say unto moi: << Tell us ALL about it! It's very important that you make it known WHY you left, to help the lurkers who may still be involved to see that there IS life outside the cult; that they won't have heart attacks or car wrecks if they leave. It also tells the cult that their power of ex-members, their terror campaign, is OVER! Help us all, and tell your story. Believe me, we ARE interested, and the more detail, the longer, the better. >> Ok, I will. (Warning: I can't spell worth two beetles in a dungheap 'n' my grammar ain't much better.) IN THE BEGINNING of all this crap: I was working as a security guard in an apartment complex in my hometown. My life was basically a big zippo save for my wife, who was then, and is now, my reason for drawing the next breath. Despite my wife's presence, I was feeling depressed, bored, unappreciated and confused. (Yo! Cult (clam?) bait, that.) My job was well below my skills and my boss was a class-A jerk who considered me a threat to his job. I call this period in my life "the crazy years" (Due respect to R. A. Heinlein, from whom I shamelessly borrow this term) I was watching the idiotbox (Television) and on came that infamous (to me) commercial. That commercial that would put a question on the screen, then answer it with a page number, remember it? Several of these questions were questions I was asking myself. Someone had answeres for these questions? Wow! Hey, more-for-your-buck, it even had ways to make things all better! So, I went to my local bookseller and got myself a copy of Dianetics, The Modern Science of Mental Health by L. Ron Hubbard. (Over 8 million copies sold!). I sat in the little guardbooth and read. I finished the thing in six hours. I was euphoric. I was so desperate for answers to my seemingly insurmountable problems that I accepted every word without question. Immediately, I called the closest Org in my area. I got thier address (It was listed incorrectly in the book.) and convinced my wife we should go there. At first, she resisted, and suggested we try the auditing suggested in the book. We never did try it on each other, but I did try it out on friends. It *did* seem to work. And work rather quickly. My wife then agreed to go with me to the closest Org (in a nearby city). Well, in the Org we were greeted by some well-dressed, happy looking, almost intollerably cheery people. One of these was the Registrar, another was a FSM. We recived some teaser information, lots of keen-sounding jargon, and got a look at the grade chart. There was a particular formula they followed. I'm not able to repeat it exacly, but they handled any nastys I had heard about the CofS and then got me to tell them a recent "ruin", and told me what part of the tech could handle that problem. Since the recent ruin was a major one (Involving the Police) I was sure desperate to get it fixed. Then, they took it away from me. I had no credit, you see, and the course "donation" was huge. Did this deter me? No! This kind of tactic is a sure close on a sale. I *was* in the position to buy a bunch of books and put a "down payment" on the course I wanted. ($175) My wife started having problems at her work, her new boss was a class-A jerk, and was effectivly forced to quit (or go insane) within a few months. She blamed herself for it, too, and so became prime prey for the cult. I still had my job, though, even though my sanity was eroding. I needed a new car, so I baught one that seemed to fit my needs. A Chevrolet Caprice, Police Package. Complete with a (legally colored) light-bar. (See what I mean about being nuts?) Anyway: My wife and I started to get into the Scientology bit pretty deep. She had a new job, and every ounce of dough went into getting courses and auditing. About a year into this, I decide my boss is a "Supressive Person" and begin teaching the staff about that part of the tech. I loose my job. Well, fortunately (Ha!) for me, the Org has the answer to my problem. INCOMM. I've been using computers since I was 2, you see, and I'd be perfect as the INCOMM guy for the local Org. They said so. I was desperate for a job. I had a new car to keep up payments on, a wife to support, and the apartment we lived in was part of the pay for the security job. Plus, it was an offer I could not refuse. For running the computers at the Org, I'd get paid AND get courses and Auditiing! (They claimed) All I had to do was sign a billion-year contract. (I commented I'd be dead well before the contract was up, and was immediately admonished and punished) I'd be sent to the big org in Los Angeles for training. I had to pay for my own airline ticket. I took a weeks worth of clothing, my favorite books, and a couple of toys. When I got there, I walked in through the front door and told the person at the desk there who I was. "So?" was all I got out of him. He got up and walked through a door marked "No Public". I waited, confused, for a while. A really BIG guy in a Sea Org security uniform scarred me out of my skin by tapping me on the shoulder and asking me to come with him. We went through that door (no public) and down a hall. He turned and went in to a small room with two chairs, a table and an E-Meter. Using a series of exasperated looking hand signals, he got me to sit in the chair and pick up the cans.He ran a SecCheck on me. He dissapeard, telling me to wait. Three hour later (I was afraid to leave the room.) a woman in a Sea Org uniform showed up and told me she was going to show me to my quarters. The quarters: an old dorm-like building. Wood rot, damaged walls, broken toilets, 10 people to a room, 20 to a bathroom. It smelled like urine everywhere, and there were bars on all the windows. She told me to get settled in, and report to (I don't remember the name) in twenty minutes. Ok, fine. It was military. I'd done the air force, I didn't want to repeat it. I was tired. Hadn't slept in twenty-four hours. I asked if I could go and sleep, and get into this other stuff in the morning. I was instructed in the "proper" way of making such a sugggestion. (A strange action consisting of stating the problem and making a suggested solution, on paper, which I could swear I just did in person.) I was told I could do so after dinner. Dinner. I use the term loosely. Some kid (I was one of three adults among children, ages 13 to 18) said stats must be up, cause this was a veritable feast. Fried chicken strips. That's all, and not enough to go around. I ate nothing. I was headed to my "quarters" escorted by my "boatswain", a thirteen year old boy. He asked me what I was doing there. I told him about INCOMM and all. He told me that I was a Sea Org member, and I needed to prove myself, first, and if I was worthy they might invite me to do incomm later. There was, according to him , a good chance I'd never see my wife again. That night I destroyed the bars on the window and blew the org. In a few months I was so terrified I went back. I begged. I pleaded. I paid my freeloaders debt. They let me back in. For another two and a half years I worked my but up that bridge. My doubts persisted, but I was afraid of not having the comphort of the tech. I was afraid of what they might do to my wife. She signed up on staff the second time around, you see, and had chalked up quite a few courses. I had gained a nasty habit. I'd ask questions. I'd state my doubts. I'd point out the truth. A Brief History Of Man got me in trouble. Piltdown Man? We descended from a myth? I'd recive chits and crammings for all sorts of things, real & immagined. I'd write KRs about the immagined ones. No action. I wrote a KR to the major org in LA about the actions of upper staff in the local org. That got action. I was crammed on KRs. Every kind of KR. I was ready to split again. My certainty that Scientology was complete bullpucky was very high. However, I was still a little reliant on it for comphort, and I was afraid of that new freeloaders debt. Then, it happened. Dennis L Erlich was sued. That's it. Scientology was troding over it's own rules. They were attacking people and making them responsible for the actions of another. I said so. Loudly. I was told I was an SP, that I was to leave the org NOW and never to return. A few months of battle, and we stalemated on the freeloaders debt. This is far from a complete account. The things I saw at the local org and at LA boggle me, and some disgust me. Scientology preaches hate. If you aren't a Scio, you're either a fool or a dangerous person. Money is everything. If you don't spend a ton on courses AND give a ton to the IAS you're scum, as bad as a wog or worse. The slightest error means severe punishment, several times I was actually STRUCK for my mistakes. (An then contact assisted! Wanna re-live the punishment right after? neat trick, that!) If you have any doubts, if you considered leaving the CofS, DO IT! they only want your money and servitude. You will get nothing out of it. There is no improvement, and there are no wonderous OT powers. It's a big lie.
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