Three Religions: Take Your Pick!     by Martin Poulter

Here is a comparison of three zany joke religions: the Church of the
SubGenius, Kibology and Scientology. Make YOUR MIND up about which is the
most nutty.

Typical thing a SubGenius would say:
	YEEEEEHA!!! Total *gut blowout*! I love it! Praise "Bob"! Wooo!
Typical thing a Kibologist would say:
	Mmmmm... Mentos IS the freshmaker!
Typical thing a Scientologist would say:
	This out-ethics has gone on long enough. I've KR'ed you. You're
	going to do the f*****g RPF!

Typical Subgenius activity: Sexhurt
Typical Kibological activity: Trolling
Typical Scientology activity: Holding two tin cans which are connected to
	a wheatstone bridge circuit, then being shouted at repeatedly until
	you are desensitised, or until you confess your "crimes" against
	Scientology.

Charismatic SubGenius leader: J. R. "Bob" Dobbs
Charismatic Kibology leader: HE WHO GREPS (rest of K's title snipped to
	SAVE BANDWIDTH (PS. ...and CAPITAL LETTERS))
Charismatic Scientology leader: L Ron Hubbard, a fat drug addict, who died
	on the run from the law, screaming about body thetans, in 1986.

Classic SubGenius text: "Three-fisted tales of 'Bob'"
Classic Kibology text: The Asieoniezi FAQ. And those stories written by
	James Perry or whatever his name is.
Classic Scientology text: The OT-3 document

Church of the Subgenius promises that you can:
	"Become physically attractive, OVERNIGHT!"
Kibology promises that you can:
	Learn by heart the words to the "Small Wonder" theme tune.
Scientology promises that you can:
	Kill another person with a thought.

The Church of the Subgenius has a mighty following on USENET
The Kibology religion has a great following on USENET
The Church of Scientology er... is expanding every day. Can't you deal
	with that? More and more people are being helped all over the world.
	Here is what some of our parishoners had to say....