From lazyboy@ix.netcom.com Sun Jun 25 11:42:15 BST 1995 Dear Mr. Miscaviage, Sit down and start taking notes! First let me state the obvious: You, David Miscaviage, have oodles of cash. Oodles and then some. Sure you can afford gold-plated orthopediac shoes, ivory highchairs, and your own "posse" of people shorter than yourself to "hang with" BUT what billionaire couldn't use a few extra BILLION! That's right, I said BILLION! Let's face it, the good old days of harrassing and intimidating a critic for under $100,000 are over. How much is it costing the church (wink, wink) to harrass Dennis Erlich, Netcom, and Tom K? Plenty! Lets not even mention your whole hide-n-seek fiasco. Big Bux! What the church (tee-hee) needs is a modern approach to fund raising. This is 1995, TIME TO GET WITH THE PROGRAM! What is the program? How can you fill the pockets of your tiny trousers with even MORE money? Take a look around. What do the kids love? What can generate money faster than you can say "Michael Jackson"? SUPER-HEROES! The kids love super-heroes! Batman! Superman! Aquaman! Kids love 'em and you got 'em! Your church( god that's great) is the largest producer of superpeople in the world. Until now you haven't done boo with your greatest asset. Well move over Fantastic Four, there's a new boy in town! Here's the plan: 1. Get those Operating Thetans operating. No more of this namby-pamby "Well I could do super-stuff but I don't wanna right now" CRAP! Trust me, the public wants to gasp in awe at the amazing OT powers. Who likes the shy super-hero? Nobody. 2. Outfits. Everyone loves a super-hero who wears a cool outfit. The X-Men have outfits, the Power Rangers have outfits, even the Mutant Turtles have outfits. Why don't the OTs have outfits? Get some cool OT outfits. 3. Create a Justice League of America type group for the OTs. How about "Operatin' Thetan Nation"? Catchy! Within this group each OT should have a marketable look and name (The Exteriorizer, MindBender, BigBrother, E-Matrix.....this type of thing) Your name could be Shrinky-Dink, the short-n-sassy leader of OTN. 4. A league of superpeople is useless without an enemy. Create an evil, rival group of superpeople. Sure you have done this before but with the IRS and ITERPOL under your belt you are going to have to think BIGGER. LRH provided us with a great group to work with, THE MARCABIAN OVERLORDS (MO). Sounds pretty sinister! MO would consist of Clears who are just embarking on their journey to full OTness. Make it a requirement, hell they paid through the nose to become Clear they won't quit just because of a little abuse. Anyway, dress the Clears up in costumes, set the stage, invite the press, and then you and the rest of the OTN beat the living daylights out of the evil Dr. ECT, Psychiatron, the Internet Bandit, and the rest of "MO"! Fantastic! 5. Catch phrases. Never underestimate catch phrases! As you and the OTN pound your MO victims you are going to have to shout catchy phrases. Kids love 'em. I love 'em. You love 'em. Let's look at your current crop of catch phrases. "ECT is EVIL! The Internet can be EVIL! LRH is never wrong! Scientology Works! Buy Now!" - not very inspiring. Think up new catch phrases. Try one of these: BY HUBBARD, I SHALL SMITE THEE! IT'S CLEARIN' TIME! YOUR WALLET ISN'T THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GONNA BE MISSIN'! Give it some thought and give me a cut of the merchandising, Stephen Jones